Viewing rejection through a long lens
I recently started listening to the podcast Dead Eyes, created by Connor Ratliffe. The premise of the podcast is that, as a budding actor, Connor was fired from a small speaking part on the HBO mini-series Band of Brothers by none other than Tom Hanks, ostensibly because he had “dead eyes” in his audition tape. 20 years later, he’s unpacking what happened and how the experience changed the trajectory of his life.
I wasn’t fired, but being laid off carried a sting of rejection that I needed to process. Perhaps that’s what drew me to Connor’s story. After losing the job he thought would be a turning point in his acting career, Connor had to reckon with just how much of his sense of identity depended on forces beyond his control. His chosen career path required him to win the approval of casting directors and directors, people whose goals had nothing to do with his personal success and everything to do with serving the needs of their specific projects. Yet for Connor, the chance to act in a big-deal production like Band of Brothers was a dream come true, and the last-minute rejection that came after he’d already been cast in the role crushed him.
My favorite aspect of Connor’s story is that he tells his audience upfront that while he wasn’t okay when he lost that job, he’s okay now—not just with the loss of that particular role but with rejection as an actor in general. Through a combination of time, experience, and self-reflection, he transmuted misfortune into wisdom. The podcast, cloaked as a personal crusade to understand a loss that doesn’t matter to anyone anymore, is his way of sharing hard-earned wisdom with equanimity and humor. Rather than investing all his hopes in every audition, he now approaches acting opportunities with greater emotional distance, knowing that some will work out while others won’t. Rejection, viewed through a sufficiently long lens, loses its sting. I think that’s just what I need to hear right now.
Have you listened to Dead Eyes? If so, let me know what you thought of it in the comments section.
"[H]e now approaches acting opportunities with greater emotional distance, knowing that some will work out while others won’t," it's such a simple concept but with great meaning. Thanks for sharing. Corinna, I love your writing style!
I'm glad to read your thoughts and see you are taking the time to reflect. Although I haven't experienced the same form of rejection as you, I have gone through my own life altering loss that I'm still processing years later. Like people say, it does get easier with time, but that time is different for everybody. Anyhow, sending warm vibes your way!